"It's time to go!"
But I have a secret trick. My kids have no idea. I promise you I can only really remember one time when we've had a leaving-the-playground fit in the four and a half years we've been frequenting every playground within 5 miles of our house!
Ready to be in on the secret? Here's what you do:
About 5 minutes before YOU are ready to leave the playground, ask your sweet little darling children the following question: "Do you want to go now or in 5 minutes?"
Of course they will answer "5 minutes." And then, after 5 minutes (or if you're like me, 20 minutes because you got caught up talking to another mama) you can say to those non-temper-tantruming sweethearts, "I'm so glad you chose to stay five more minutes. That was really fun. Now let's go." Because your child made the decision about when to leave, leaving the playground is much easier.
It works. I promise. But let me give you some background. It works because it's something called "Shared Control." I learned this from the AWESOME folks over at Love & Logic (click for free articles!). I was fortunate enough to have to teach a parenting class loooong before I was ever a parent. I taught parents of teenagers who were on probation and we used Love & Logic as our curriculum. Based on the results I saw in those families, I knew I had a winner!
Shared control works best if you do it all the time. The little 5 minute thing will work pretty well on the playground, but I use this technique ALL DAY LONG with my kiddos. I give them two or three options, ALL of them things I approve, and let them choose. They feel like they have a voice, it gives them practice making decisions yet they have no idea that I have limited the field for them so that they can't choose something I'm not okay with. I am in control, but they think they are. Perfect!
The more your child feels like he/she's had a say in what's going on in life, the more likely he/she is to acquiesce when the situations arise when they don't get to make the decision.
Here's another example:
SNACKTIME:
Me: Sweet child of mine, would you like grapes, apples, or banana with peanut butter for snack? (notice no cookies in there)
My child: Apples with peanut butter! (fine by me).
**Now my kiddo is used to choices like this and knows if he chooses outside of what's offered, then I will choose for him. Let me give you another scenario
SNACKTIME:
Me (same question): Dearest one, would you like grapes, apples, or banana with peanut butter for snack?
Child: Cookies!
Me: Oh how sad, that wasn't a choice. Looks like we're having grapes.
**Will he freak out 'cause I chose grapes? Yes. A lot. But guess what? I don't give in. And next time I give options, you can bet he'll choose something I've listed.
Want another example?
GETTING READY:
Your child does NOT want to put on his shoes. If you say "Put on your shoes!" all he has to do is say "NO!" And you're out of luck. That kid just showed you who's boss. Try this instead:
Me: Hey buddy, it's time to get ready to go. Do you want to put your shoes on first or your jacket?
Child who does NOT want to put on shoes: Jacket
Me: Okay. Do you want to do it yourself or should I help?
Child who does NOT want to put on shoes: Do it myself!
Me: Great! Hmmm... should I put my shoes on next or you?
Child who does NOT want to put on shoes: You!
Me: Okay. Should I put them on by myself or do you want to help me?
Child who does NOT want to put on shoes: I'll help you (now he's giggling because it's funny to think of Mommy needing help with shoes)
Me: Thanks for the help! Do you want to start with your left foot or your right?
Child who is now considering putting on shoes: left!
Me: Gotcha. Should I help you or do you want to do it yourself....
... you can imagine how the rest of the conversation goes. It actually takes less time to go through all of that than it does to have a massive power struggle over the shoes. And your child feels empowered to make decisions about how her morning is going.
What's the point? Well, not having to have everyone at the playground watch you as you drag your screaming kicking child to the car is always nice. But more importantly, by giving choices like these, we are teaching and empowering our children to make decisions. They only get about 18 years to practice before the consequences of their decisions get infinitely bigger.
I want to give my kiddos the most practice they can get!
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