Five Minute Playground Magic

Anyone dread leaving the playground? Your little angels are swinging away happily or enjoying themselves in the sandbox but you know that these four little words will turn them into monsters make them very unhappy:

"It's time to go!"

But I have a secret trick. My kids have no idea. I promise you I can only really remember one time when we've had a leaving-the-playground fit in the four and a half years we've been frequenting every playground within 5 miles of our house!

Ready to be in on the secret? Here's what you do:

About 5 minutes before YOU are ready to leave the playground, ask your sweet little darling children the following question: "Do you want to go now or in 5 minutes?"

Of course they will answer "5 minutes." And then, after 5 minutes (or if you're like me, 20 minutes because you got caught up talking to another mama) you can say to those non-temper-tantruming sweethearts, "I'm so glad you chose to stay five more minutes. That was really fun. Now let's go." Because your child made the decision about when to leave, leaving the playground is much easier.

It works. I promise. But let me give you some background. It works because it's something called "Shared Control." I learned this from the AWESOME folks over at Love & Logic (click for free articles!). I was fortunate enough to have to teach a parenting class loooong before I was ever a parent. I taught parents of teenagers who were on probation and we used Love & Logic as our curriculum. Based on the results I saw in those families, I knew I had a winner!

Shared control works best if you do it all the time. The little 5 minute thing will work pretty well on the playground, but I use this technique ALL DAY LONG with my kiddos. I give them two or three options, ALL of them things I approve, and let them choose. They feel like they have a voice, it gives them practice making decisions yet they have no idea that I have limited the field for them so that they can't choose something I'm not okay with. I am in control, but they think they are. Perfect!

The more your child feels like he/she's had a say in what's going on in life, the more likely he/she is to acquiesce when the situations arise when they don't get to make the decision.

Here's another example:

SNACKTIME:
Me: Sweet child of mine, would you like grapes, apples, or banana with peanut butter for snack? (notice no cookies in there)
My child: Apples with peanut butter! (fine by me).
**Now my kiddo is used to choices like this and knows if he chooses outside of what's offered, then I will choose for him. Let me give you another scenario

SNACKTIME:
Me (same question): Dearest one, would you like grapes, apples, or banana with peanut butter for snack?
Child: Cookies!
Me: Oh how sad, that wasn't a choice. Looks like we're having grapes.
**Will he freak out 'cause I chose grapes? Yes. A lot. But guess what? I don't give in. And next time I give options, you can bet he'll choose something I've listed.

Want another example?

GETTING READY:
Your child does NOT want to put on his shoes. If you say "Put on your shoes!" all he has to do is say "NO!" And you're out of luck. That kid just showed you who's boss. Try this instead:
Me: Hey buddy, it's time to get ready to go. Do you want to put your shoes on first or your jacket?
Child who does NOT want to put on shoes: Jacket
Me: Okay. Do you want to do it yourself or should I help?
Child who does NOT want to put on shoes: Do it myself!
Me: Great! Hmmm... should I put my shoes on next or you?
Child who does NOT want to put on shoes: You!
Me: Okay. Should I put them on by myself or do you want to help me?
Child who does NOT want to put on shoes: I'll help you (now he's giggling because it's funny to think of Mommy needing help with shoes)
Me: Thanks for the help! Do you want to start with your left foot or your right?
Child who is now considering putting on shoes: left!
Me: Gotcha. Should I help you or do you want to do it yourself....

... you can imagine how the rest of the conversation goes. It actually takes less time to go through all of that than it does to have a massive power struggle over the shoes. And your child feels empowered to make decisions about how her morning is going.


What's the point? Well, not having to have everyone at the playground watch you as you drag your screaming kicking child to the car is always nice. But more importantly, by giving choices like these, we are teaching and empowering our children to make decisions. They only get about 18 years to practice before the consequences of their decisions get infinitely bigger.

I want to give my kiddos the most practice they can get!

Reading: It's What We Do!

Time can get away from all of us when we are wiping noses, changing diapers and clothes, cooking, and (if you're like me) driving day in and day out! As hectic and stressed as our days can get, we try really hard not to neglect reading time with each of our three children on a daily basis.

We started reading with our first child when he was just a couple of months old. At first I really didn't know what effect it would have on him. We would read a couple of board books before both naps and just before bed at night. After a while we realized how much each of us looked forward to it. It was our routine, it's just what we did! This routine carried on with our next two children and they have always looked forward to it!

Reading has become a habit in our house, almost like a tradition. We give our children new books during holidays, birthdays, vacations or sometimes just because! Now when I say give, it's not always a brand new book for them to keep. We borrow from our local library all the time so that keeps the stories fresh and new! Our children love the variety, not to mention, using their own library cards! We keep books in our car rather than DVDs.

Our children's rooms all contain books. There's always room on a shelf or a basket for a few books! As our children have grown their interests have changed. Three children mean three different kinds of reading material at any given time. We have board books, chapter books, information books, biographies, and age appropriate magazines, to name a few! Right now our oldest is into Boys Life, National Geographic for Kids, Sports Illustrated for Kids and Harry Potter! Mary Pope Osborne's Magic Treehouse books were a favorite for a while too.

Our daughter is just starting to make those early reading connections so we have lots of beginner books for her. Currently she loves Fancy Nancy by Jane O'Connor and Henry and Mudge by Cynthia Rylant. She also loves for us to read the descriptions in the latest American Girl doll catalog.

Of course our youngest is just starting out in board books. Some of his favorite authors include Sandra Boynton, Margaret Wise Brown and James Marshall. He really likes Goodnight Moon and Hey Diddle Diddle but his all time favorite is Peek a Who? by Nina Laden! He loves to open the books, look at the pictures and ok I'll admit, even chew on a corner or too!

Also, for quick bursts of reading we use Brain Quest! Brain Quest are fun question & answer flashcards on general knowledge, math, etc. all based on age/grade level. We have a basket in our living room that the kids enjoy being challenged with. It can be a quick confident booster and hey, it fosters that together time again, even if it's only for a few minutes!

I'd love to hear about how you incorporate reading in your families. What are some of your children's favorite topics, stories and authors?